Happy Thanksgiving :: And November Newsletter

Happy

 

Thanksgiving

Dear Friends!

This holiday has taken on such renewed meaning in my life since I met her and read her book.

I started my own list, which is pretty much how I started this blog,  and it’s somewhere in the 1600’s, but I know enough to know that that’s just a tiny, tiny glimpse of His gifts.

I can say from the depths of my heart, as the Bible is so clear as well, that it is so easy to pin my lack of contentment, anger, doubt, fear back to a lack of thanks.  Since I began this journey I’ve known times when the way to life was to thank Him, BUT I WOULDN’T!  How’s that for learning the obstinacy of my own heart?!  But, even here, there is thanks.  Thanks that this light shines and the darkness is easier to recognize for what it is too and this is the real truth :: the light shines in the darkness and the darkness has not overcome it.

And for all of you who follow our journey, here is Our November Newsletter that updates you on our family and the ministry we are called to in Central & Eastern Europe.

May You be FILLED with Him and His Great Love for YOU today and no matter the joy or sadness that a ‘family holiday’ can bring, may YOU know the depths of His love for you…TODAY.

As of Late

Lately, I’ve been realizing how little I truly love.  (doing Loving Well by Beth Moore with my wonderful small group from church.  suffices to stay started with a bit of pride, asked Him to show me my heart…and He very much did.)

Lately, I’ve been seeking to love better by receiving His love and not settling for ‘no’ as it regards if I will love another.  I must love…and not in indifference or numbness but in thought, word and deed.

Lately, I haven’t been enjoying my kids as I know is the life-giving path I need.  I’m praying to BE HERE. PRESENT. AND LOVE THEM BY SIMPLY BEING WITH THEM.

Lately, I’ve been learning about homeschooling through the homeschool pre-school my friend, Anita, and I have been doing.

Lately, I’ve been saved by beauty, in particular sunsets and glorious moons, but I’m praying it grows to seeing the beauty in the four walls where I live.

Lately, I’ve started writing a Twin Book with my…TWIN!  Very early and we may poke at it for years, but we’ve started and were raised, ‘you start something. you finish it!’  It will be a wonderful keeper of us as we move to being an ocean apart.

Lately, I’ve had the chance to bless my best friend and neighbor, Anita.  She has blessed me immeasurably since I moved to Florida…become family.  Been everything a friend (or sister) could be…I was able to nominate her and she won ‘Woman of the Week’ for our Christian radio station!  (funny aside, they announced it this morning, but played the pre-recorded message of another winner! oops! first time it’s happened.  They recorded me yesterday morning and I knew they’d have to edit, but joked, ‘it really was bad! they had to use someone else’s!’…they’ll run it next week, Thursday morning at 7:20am)

Lately, I’ve been overwhelmed with our overseas transition.

Lately, I’ve wondered if I should just let go of ‘order’ in this year of transition…

Lately, I’ve been so encouraged to walk more intimately with my husband as he’s joined the blogging world He’s my hero and I cannot wait to follow as he shares more intentionally the conversations he has with others about the Gospel.

Lately, I’ve been stressed about money/finances and been breathing in and out and feeding on Philippians 4:4-8 in particular.

Lately, I’ve been so blessed by these free sermons of Tim Keller’s that are all from the Story of the Prodigal Son and go with his book, ‘The Prodigal God’.

Lately, I’ve been seeing how inconveniences are preparing me for when I will not have some of things I have here…over there…in Eastern Europe.

Lately, I’ve been wondering what life will look like this same time next year.  Colder (for sure)…and so much more…different.

Lately, I’ve been carrying a beloved couple in my heart (our hearts) and tears have been close and praying Romans 8:26-39 for them as times are uncertain and the extent of cancer unknown…

Lately, I’ve wondered almost constantly if I’m a good mom.  I always feel like I’m falling short and this certainly doesn’t get me anywhere better.  The Gospel is hard to receive when you realize your failures are affecting little impressionable people.

Lately, I’ve been thinking about my Dad and have written several posts that include something about him, like how he has prayed with a Papa heart for me (and my husband, kids, siblings, spouses, and kids and many more) every day since either of us can remember

Lately, I’ve been wondering about my two blogs.  The one is my ‘family and ministry blog’, though very much just the family side and I’ve been posting less and missing more of bringing our friends and family far away into the life we live where we are. That’s because I noticed that a fire was so lost inside of me I was forgetting who I was in the doing and then watching (i.e. tv, movies, to ‘relax’ etc.) because I was tired and all of these thoughts of something more were there, I just didn’t do something about it until I started my ‘writing blog’.  But, lately, I’ve been longing to bring the two together. somehow.  Or at least feel like the friends and family I’ve lived near and we’ve shared life that are my reason for keeping up the family blog can share life as my new and dear bloggy friends do even though we’ve never met.  And, vice versa.  I want my blog friends to share more of my family’s life.

So, lately, I decided to make this my first post that I am posting exactly the same in both of my blogs.  Family and friends, I would love if we connected not only here, but there.  And blog/writing friends, I would love if we shared more of the daily stuff that I post here (with some of you, we do!)  And maybe someday I’ll figure out a way to have it all come together in one place. 

What have you been up to lately?

So thankful to find out about this monthly link up, ‘As of Late’, hosted by Christy at CrittyJoy, through my blog friends Natalie and Jen.

Also with Michelle at Lost in the Prairies for Caffeinated Randomness on Fridays

Join us?

Be Still My Soul...

In "Seeing and Savoring Jesus Christ" that I was reading this morning, John Piper quoted a verse from Katharina Von Schlegel's "Be Still My Soul" and it instantly took me back to my brother singing this same song at our mother's memorial service...now nearly 8 years ago.

It was like an old dear friend coming back into my life and speaking to a sweet, filled, centered place within me that I needed to hear from...

Be still, my soul: the Lord is on thy side.
Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain.
Leave to thy God to order and provide;
In every change, He faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul: thy best, thy heavenly Friend
Through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

Be still, my soul: thy God doth undertake
To guide the future, as He has the past.
Thy hope, thy confidence let nothing shake;
All now mysterious shall be bright at last.
Be still, my soul: the waves and winds still know
His voice Who ruled them while He dwelt below.

Be still, my soul: when dearest friends depart,
And all is darkened in the vale of tears,
Then shalt thou better know His love, His heart,
Who comes to soothe thy sorrow and thy fears.
Be still, my soul: thy Jesus can repay
From His own fullness all He takes away.

Be still, my soul: the hour is hastening on
When we shall be forever with the Lord.
When disappointment, grief and fear are gone,
Sorrow forgot, love’s purest joys restored.
Be still, my soul: when change and tears are past
All safe and blessèd we shall meet at last.

Be still, my soul: begin the song of praise
On earth, believing, to Thy Lord on high;
Acknowledge Him in all thy words and ways,
So shall He view thee with a well pleased eye.
Be still, my soul: the Sun of life divine
Through passing clouds shall but more brightly shine.

My brother sang based on the Kry's version that I have made the first in my playlist...the third and last verses aren't sung...it was sweet to end where he did--though I do like these verses, especially the third.

I pray you are blessed with this too:)

Sunday's Coming...Hallelujah He Reigns

In anticipation of the celebration of that Great Event that's changed everything forever and ever...
(YOU NEED TO PAUSE THE MUSIC SO YOU CAN LISTEN WELL TO THE VIDEOS)



We celebrate this Easter morning that:
He is Risen!
He is Risen Indeed!



and Hallelujah He Reigns!

If you are reading this and you do not have the hope or joy that comes from knowing the Risen Christ personally,
then contact me with your questions or go here.

the BEST of Easters to you all!

"I See a Generation"

"Hosanna" (the song whose lyrics are below) is the 2nd on my Playlist. As I edit pictures I often have my playlist on and when I was editing the above photograph and the remaining set the verse in bold below was playing. I cannot quite adequately describe the moment, but it was special. My heart was melting and praying that these would be the generation I see.
Maybe if you play the song while looking at this picture or of your own loved little ones, you will have the same beautiful, heart-filling, prayer...

I see the King of Glory
Coming on the clouds with fire
The whole earth shakes
The whole earth shakes

I see His love and mercy
Washing over all our sin
The people sing
The people sing

Hosanna
Hosanna
Hosanna in the highest
Hosanna in the highest

I see a generation
Rising up to take their place
With selfless faith
With selfless faith
I see a near revival
Stirring as we pray and seek
We're on our knees
We're on our knees

[Chorus]

Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like you have loved me

Break my heart from what breaks yours
Everything I am for your kingdom's cause
As I go from nothing to
Eternity

[Chorus x2]

Hosanna in the highest

Enjoyed the Olympics...

...they have always been "big" in my family and make me feel closer to them, especially my mother as the last Winter Olympics I watched (Salt Lake City 2002) we watched together in the last months of her life. I've been enjoying them during my normal "blog time". So that is one of the reasons I have not posted (but will be catching you all up in the next couple of days) and we also have had a very busy couple of weeks.

Hope you all enjoyed some of the Olympics...I cried at several points, the Georgian luger dying (unbelievably sad...) and Joannie Rochet skating after her mother's sudden death...full of tears I was...there is something about the pursuit of an Olympic dream--all of the sacrifices and discipline in training--that challenges me as to what I am willing to sacrifice for the Kingdom dream, the holy pursuit of the eternal reality that can become more and more mine as I claim it by faith.

Observing Lent...Second Week

Second Week of Lent

An excerpt from With Burning Hearts, Henri J.M. Nouwen

Discerning the Presence

The Gospels are filled with examples of God's presence in the word. Personally, I am always touched by the story of Jesus in the synagogue of Nazareth. There he read from Isaiah:

The Spirit of the Lord is on me,
for he has anointed me
to bring good news to the afflicted.
He has sent me to proclaim liberty to captives,
sight to the blind,
to let the oppressed go free,
to proclaim a year of favor from the Lord.
(Luke 4:18-19)

After having read these words, Jesus said, "This text is being fulfilled today even while you are listening." Suddenly, it becomes clear that the afflicted, the captives, the blind, and the oppressed are not people somewhere outside of the synagogue who, someday, will be liberated; they are the people who are listening. And it is in the listening that God becomes present and heals.

The Word of God is not a word to apply in our daily lives at some later date; it is a word to heal us through, and in, our listening here and now.

The questions therefore are: How does God come to me as I listen to the word? Where do I discern the healing hand of God touching me through the word? How are my sadness, my grief, and my mourning being transformed at this very moment? Do I sense the fire of God's love purifying my heart and giving me new life? These questions lead me to the sacrament of the word, the sacred place of God's real presence.

Once again found this challenging as I seek to create some space to hear from God and faithfully open His Word...so blessed to know He will answer and that HE IS WORKING...

Observing Lent...

First Week of Lent

Called to Life, Called to Love, Henri J. M. Nouwen

Lent is the most important time of the year to nurture our inner life. It is the time during which we not only prepare ourselves to celebrate the mystery of the death and resurrection of Jesus, but also the death and resurrection that constantly takes place within us. Life is a continuing process of the death of the old and the familiar, and being reborn again into a new hope, a new trust, and a new love. The death and resurrection of Jesus therefore is not just an historical event that took place a long time ago, but an inner event that takes place in our heart when we are willing to be attentive to it....

Lent offers a beautiful opportunity to discover the mystery of Christ within us. It is a gentle but also demanding time. It is a time of solitude but also community, it is a time of listening to the voice within, but also a time of paying attention to other people's needs. It is a time to continuously make the passage to new inner life as well as to life with those around us.

When we live Lent attentively and gently, then Easter can truly be a celebration during which the full proclamation of the risen Christ will reverberate into the deepest place of our being.

I definitely didn't grow up observing the liturgical year, but as I went to college and "out on my own", I would say it's become an increasingly important part of my yearly spiritual "rhythm".

I figure, if nothing else, Lent should and can be a time to reflect, which, whenever we take the time to do that in our busy, fragmented and scattered lives, we are most certainly going to reap benefits.

This year, I would say that the Lord has been preparing me to be ready to reflect upon my life--its comforts, securities and to choose the "better part".

This is corresponding well with our renewed commitment to our budget (always in the back of my/our mind, but how "strict" are we with ourselves?) I am honestly just so sick of the STUFF! I just am so rich in material things and comforts--I don't need to compare myself with family, neighbors, co-workers to see if I am "relatively poor", because in the global scheme I am absurdly rich. Because things are accessible, I am choosing them and as long as I am called to stay in this country the "temptation" to choose so many wants over needs will be right there. So I am being called to renew my commitment to the simple--not legalistically, but because it truly is the "better part". Living simply provides the space to appreciate beauty in such a free-er way and to explore creativity where comfort has replaced it. These are most definitely the Depression-era roots of my grandparents.

So practically I am taking a challenge that my sister Kristen's friend, Cindy, suggested to her during Lent. Work through your pantry--don't just go and get more groceries, but instead be creative with what you have in your pantry/freezer, etc. So far this has produced homemade pizza, chicken divan, meatball sandwiches using frozen hamburger buns and potato dinner rolls, pudding pie on a broken graham cracker crust and once again the great appreciation for a husband who is so "easy to please" when it comes to his stomach. It's been lots of "fun" and I highly recommend it...it has also been a good deal freeing. My goal would be to reduce and simplify my "stores" of reserve and also, amazingly, if I could be under-budget this month in groceries, to give that away to somewhere in the world that it would be of great use.

Hopefully, this would jump start this practice at different points all throughout the year--to help stay in budget and be able to free up money to give away.

I am also going to be going through all of the "reserve" things that I have "around" and give/clear as much as I can...I really will need help with my "pack rat" tendencies that come to me courtesy of my beloved, sentimental mother.

Finally, I am going to be looking at how I spend the money I have on what I consider necessities and ask the hard questions about why I think I need these things and be willing to "surrender" whatever I may be called to.

The sermon this morning was from Isaiah 58 about "true fasting". This passage has been special to me ever since a season of revival/renewal that swept through many Christian colleges during the spring of my junior year. It has been beloved ever since and has inspired many a vision of the Life I would like to live...of the things I would like to be about. I am so delighted to find that the ministry we are a part of and the opportunities we have speak to "loose-ing the chords of injustice" and "breaking every yoke." However, I was incredibly challenged by what more it can mean in these days. What religious things, ways of living a so-called Christian life, do I cling to that have nothing to do with this "true fast?" I felt and knew deep within that calling toward 'greater things'...toward choosing the 'better part' and something deep in my soul was stirred than has been in quite a while...

While the Lenten season leads to the observance of Christ's crucifixion and death, and culminates in the celebration of His victory in resurrection, I believe the whole season is a calling to our own death--the things we live for that mean nothing for eternity. This is what we are 'daily' called to as Christ-followers, but I am thankful to observe the 'heart of Lent' and to bring this call to sacrifice, self-denial to the forefront of my reflection IN ORDER TO MAKE ROOM FOR NEW LIFE, LOVE, OPPORTUNITY TO PROCLAIM HIM--the higher and better and more blessed that I might have missed otherwise.

Valentine's Day at Sea World

Jared and I spent a very SWEET:) afternoon of Valentine's Day going around to all of the things we haven't gotten to see with the kids. It really is an easy place to take kids, but it was fun to just be "us"...to look at the map and scope out places and wait in lines with no "inconvenience" or keeping kids entertained, just the joy of more "connect time" and conversations amongst adults. And not only adults--husband and wife:) And as I reflected later that night, I thought how dear, sweet and true it is that I am married to my best friend. That's not easy for a "twin" to say as we are so close, but she and I both know and embrace how our husbands truly ARE and ARE SUPPOSED TO BE our best friends.
(Jared...the following is a special message for you:)
Jared, there is truly no one else that I could picture journeying this life with--no better father or husband for me and to me. I love continuing to learn about you and have become more and more humbled at the great privilege of being chosen to walk alongside, support and encourage YOU. You know I have many moments of doubting myself and feeling like I "give so little and receive so much"...I will probably always feel that way because you are just that special...but I do promise to be open to the Lord to grow me more and more as your wife and the mother of our children and because of WHO HE IS am confident that "He will finish the good work He has begun in us", our marriage, our family...and because of that I look forward to all that the future holds:) I LOVE YOU!!!

This was a beautiful little garden on the way to the "shark encounter".

These were all taken from the Sky Tower which goes 300 ft. up and we can and will take the kids next time...it was a little bit of a wait, but not bad.
Come visit us and go to Sea World...you can ride "Kracken" see Shamu, ride "Manta" and so much more!

This was in "Wild Artic" and the top 2 pictures are of the Polar Bear who was sleeping. Jared read that they can get up to 9 and 1/2 feet when "standing" on their hind legs! Yikes! And they prey on seals:( (that shattered my fluffy white huggable image of them).
The bottom row are of the walrus...oh my! AMAZING! He was HUGE! and you can't really see too much, but in the bottom picture on the left was after he had just turned and shown us his face...it was magnificent...I really was amazed that such a beast is real and so BIG and, if he could speak, I'm sure he'd be funny and wise:)

These pictures are all from various points along the "Shark Encounter". There were some really neat tanks of quite exotic fish...certainly ones I hadn't seen. Then in the "shark tunnel" where you walk under and they are swimming all around (there's 50 kinds of sharks! but not huge like JAWS which I was scared to death would be) and "saw heads"...really amazing!
Listed outside was how this Sea World has the largest collection of "predator fish" (something like this) IN THE WORLD! I didn't know if I should be AMAZED or TERRIFIED!

The dolphins...these animals are the closest things to "talking Narnians" (from C.S. Lewis' chronicles) that we have, in my opinion. They are so friendly and beautiful and special. This area is amazing because you can go and put your hand on the water and they come right up (often)...

...in the one picture it looks like I am touching one of the dolphins...I didn't get to touch it, but oh so close...that's ok I WILL because we'll be back!

Out of Sync

So sorry to have not gotten past the Holidays on here and it's FEBRUARY 5TH! I promise you, faithful followers, to get some of "the latest" up in the next couple of days so, DON'T LEAVE ME! and DON'T STOP CHECKING!

I could blame it on busy-ness, which can always be listed as an excuse, but I HAVE had the time and I just haven't been able to "get it together" to get up some posts.

I'm "fine" so don't worry-PPPLLEEEAAAASSSSEEE!!!, but I've decided that this post-holiday time is tough and I just want to hibernate for about a month before engaging the New Year...does anybody concur with that? And seeing as there's no snow in Florida...I can't get snowed in (something I absolutely enjoyed in PA and MA while teaching, and, of course, in school;) so, I'm left with gorgeous weather (for the most part-some rainy days this week--not complaining) and that PUSH to get out and enjoy it and my spirit would like a little "winter hibernation". I'm sure this might sound ridiculous if you are in the midst of the PA snow being called for as I write this and you just can't wait to be able to enjoy outside...but, maybe for someone it will make sense.

Again, LOOK FOR SOME POSTS OVER THE NEXT COUPLE DAYS! THANK YOU FOR STAYING WITH ME AND US!

Receiving Forgiveness

Receiving Forgiveness

There are two sides to forgiveness: giving and receiving. Although at first sight giving seems to be harder, it often appears that we are not able to offer forgiveness to others because we have not been able fully to receive it. Only as people who have accepted forgiveness can we find the inner freedom to give it. Why is receiving forgiveness so difficult? It is very hard to say, "Without your forgiveness I am still bound to what happened between us. Only you can set me free." That requires not only a confession that we have hurt somebody but also the humility to acknowledge our dependency on others. Only when we can receive forgiveness can we give it.

This definitely touched my heart...and I ask myself: "Do I receive forgiveness?" or "Do I try not to need forgiveness?" But then, I remember, "I am married and there is NO WAY I can live a day, hour or minute, for that matter, without needing to receive forgiveness." And now, I ask again, "I have a gracious husband who constantly offers forgiveness, but do I really receive it or only "seem" to and then silently beat myself up?" Well, lots for me to meditate upon...hope this holds something for you too...

Glad to Be Blogging again...Crossroads Reflection

I've been looking forward to the chance to reflect on the past couple of weeks since I last got to blog. (several new posts of the kids follow this one!)

It seems to be a crossroads of sorts for me...in a good way. Here's how:

• I am feeling really myself and physically 100% again.
• The scope of the ministry of now having two kids is setting in and molding me (us).
• The amazing and so easily consuming aspects of ministry in a new school (UHS-update several posts below) are hitting Jared and therefore us.
• The need to work through and embrace what fills my days with 2 kids as opposed to the aspects of ministry outside of the home I used to engage in much more so.
• The reality of how easy it is to lose touch as a couple simply juggling extra demands.

So, where am I at in this crossroads? Well, quite providentially, Jared had to be away for the better part of 5 days and, surprisingly?, the pressing need to reflect upon what's listed above really caught my attention.
Sort of ironic, or surprising? I think it was that stretching that makes it so apparent that you cannot proceed--at least not well--in your own strength that brought me into deeper communion with the Lord in those days. Isn't God so good? Some days I was up with one at 5am and put the other down at 11pm. There were no extended quiet times (even past 5 minutes of "My Utmost For His Highest"!). But, in His supreme goodness, the Lord met me and taught me and reminded me of a great deal that I share mostly for myself, but perhaps there's some encouragement for you:)

I again was reminded of how easy it is to "demand" of a servant-hearted husband. Be selfish in my fatigue and only think of my needs--I am repenting of this and asking the Lord to give me the firm resolve to serve Jared in the ways I know he needs to be healthy himself. We are on the front lines in seeing young people be brought from darkness to light and the Enemy doesn't like it. My husband needs the space to commune with God as he faces spiritual attack daily because of what he does and as he seeks to exercise headship with a strong-willed, opinionated and too easily domineering wife. (I am NOT being too hard on myself here!)

I learned much of the sweetness of these days. To be able to run up and down the basketball court with JJ--I love having a boy! To talk to sweet, little cooing baby Susie and see the light in her eyes for her mama. To laugh with my son and shower kisses and hugs that he continues to eagerly snatch up. To have them both here and healthy and BE THANKFUL for that gift. I remember how tired I was as a teacher--hoping I was planting seeds, but working with tough terrain that had been so poorly treated for so many years. I am that kind of tired in the busiest of these days, but I see instantaneous rewards and am able to start with new soil and by God's grace, nurture it well.

I allowed the Lord to show me how my heart has become detached from what we do with high school students, by not experiencing it firsthand. In seeing this, I was reminded how quickly I could become embittered for the ways my husband is called away as he lives out this calling upon our lives. And, in turn, this has caused me to raise up a cry to have Him lead my heart and provide ways to re-connect with the ministry--to revive my heart in what we do. I note the "wisdom of the years" that holds me back from jumping into vast needs in the ministry, not willing to see the home be sacrificed, but yet, knowing and believing our faithful God wants to grant a lifeline that stokes the passion for what we do--fueling intercession and inspiring encouragement for my husband.

Isn't the Lord so good to us?? I read the following verses as a part of a courtship narrative at my friend Cindy's wedding and they often strike a chord in my heart in times of reflection:

"Be at rest once more, O my soul, for the Lord has been good to you...
How can I repay the Lord for all His goodness to me?
I will lift up the cup of salvation and call on the name of the LORD."
Psalm 116: 7, 12-13

Big Boy JJ

It seemed to both Jared and I that so much changed with both kids while he was away only a few days...another reminder of how quickly these little years go...
One change I made while Jared was away was to pack up the high chair (which will re-emerge with Susie in a few months) and introduce JJ to the BIG BOY chair. He loves his high chair, particularly lounging back (he's been very hard on it--a sign of things to come!), so I didn't know, but since he is all about being a BIG BOY, it went fine:)

It seems like he's grown years in just a few weeks with several of our friends here who see him regularly saying he seems inches taller and he's lost his belly! Oh my! I still have some giggly in the cheeks, but it's diminishing:( I joke about how I mourned his high school graduation the day he was born, but it is so true...and yet I find that I am needing to press through and embrace the essentials of his need to grow and inborn desire to do so. I also feel the need to take good hard looks at the detriments of babying him, even while giving into my heart to cuddle him close often. As my sister says, "parenting isn't for wimps", and honestly, this is the most challenging element for me--more than middle-of-the-night feedings, changing poopy diapers, discipline...it's the letting go that will undoubtedly mark every stage...and I am indeed learning to embrace it for all that it is teaching me of the parent heart of our God.

Henri Nouwen Re-visit...Acting in the Name

Acting in the Name of Jesus

Ministry is acting in the Name of Jesus. When all our actions are in the Name, they will bear fruit for eternal life. To act in the Name of Jesus, however, doesn't mean to act as a representative of Jesus or his spokesperson. It means to act in an intimate communion with him. The Name is like a house, a tent, a dwelling. To act in the Name of Jesus, therefore, means to act from the place where we are united with Jesus in love. To the question "Where are you?" we should be able to answer, "I am in the Name." Then, whatever we do cannot be other than ministry because it will always be Jesus himself who acts in and through us. The final question for all who minister is "Are you in the Name of Jesus?"" When we can say yes to that, all of our lives will be ministry.

Found this comforting today in the all-too-prevalent tendency to make things way too complicated...but nonetheless very challenging, but it challenges the right thing to be challenged in all of our lives:)

Sweet days...

"Because of the Lord's great love, we are not consumed,
His compassions, they never fail,
His mercies are new EVERY morning.
Great is Your Faithfulness, Oh God"
Lamentations 3:22-23

Baby Update

Hey Everybody,

I figured I'd post an update on here about "baby status". It has been a crazy ride so far...strangely calm yet crazy. I am about halfway dilated (possibly more), etc. without having really any labor...nothing consistent. Some lower back pain off and on which can be uncomfortable, but I can take tylenol before bed and put some heat on it and sleep reasonably well! (except that JJ isn't sleeping well which makes us think he has a sense of something big coming soon! and has molars coming in too...)

I had a doctor's appointment yesterday and she suggested inducing on Monday morning if I haven't gone into full blown labor by then. I felt like that would be a good decision and Jared agreed. She told me to lay low and have someone close because as soon as anything definitive happens, (water breaks, even 1 strong contraction) I am to go right to the hospital. Even for them, my situation is a little odd...she even said to not worry even if it ends up being a crazy ride to the hospital (i.e. the baby seems ready to come out on the way!) because those babies do well...I am showing no complications, etc. It's a much more encouraging situation than someone who could be in the hospital not dilating, etc. So, that was sweet of her to say.

I am working with a practice and feel really great about the woman doctor that's on call this weekend and then this doctor that will induce on Monday morning (possibly just break my water--that may be all I need) who I've seen for the last 2 appointments.

So, that's where things are at...you will hear no later than Monday (I go in at 4am), or possibly Tuesday depending on how the day goes, about this baby girl!

Thank you all, too, for praying. I really "feel" it. I can honestly say after wavering and doubting myself that I feel such a peace about hopefully having labor come naturally(you can certainly pray for this--and that we can get to the hospital in good time, etc.), but if not, that the Lord has placed Monday as the induction option at just the right time.

I know that this is in His hands--Jared and I both feel a great peace. This life is His and He will bring her safely here to us...(she just kicked as affirmation of what I'm writing)...I also think this is such a special time to grow closer with Jared, JJ and I. I remember how special (though hard) it was to go through labor with JJ with Jared as such an amazing support...how close I felt to him...and even though these days aren't traditional labor, they are sort of similar and most likely, the hospital element will be shorter (much shorter?) but I am considering this whole waiting time, etc. as that labor bonding. And it is sweet.

We just want to continue to give God the Glory for every element of this and to express how thankful we are for some many loved ones who are praying for us and supporting us so deeply. Again, words cannot express the blessings that we feel and know in these days.

With love to all,

Abby, Jared, JJ and our little soon-to-come Susie:)

Empty and Beautiful

I have been loving this song on the radio and just put it on "My Playlist" as #1.

Here are the lyrics...HOPE YOU ENJOY!

Empty And Beautiful by Matt Maher :

My past won't stop haunting me

In this prison there's a fight between

Who I am and who I used to be

This thorn in my side is of grace

For because of it the flesh and blood of God

Was offered in my place, my place

You fought the fight in me

You chased me down and finished the race

I was blind but now I see

Jesus You kept the faith in me

Where did my best friends go?

In my defense they disappeared

Just like Your friends did to You, oh Lord

But You were there, You gave me strength

So this little one might come to know

The glory of Your name, Your name

You fought the fight in me

You chased me down and finished the race

I was blind but now I see

Jesus You kept the faith in me

Awaiting, set apart like incense to Your heart

A libation I'm pouring out

Empty and beautiful, beautiful, beautiful

You fought the fight in me

You chased me down and finished the race

I was blind but now I see

Jesus You kept the faith in me

You fought the fight in me

You chased me down and finished the race

I was blind but now I see

Jesus You kept the faith in me

Jesus You kept the faith in me

Savior, You kept the faith in me

"Never a Dull Moment..."

You may recognize this as a hospital bracelet with my name on it!...



Two nights ago (Wednesday night) found me without sleep throwing up every 1/2 hour and it was bad...final diagnosis was food poisoning:( That was what I thought...thankfully it was a leftover (I think) that only I had so my dear J's did not get it too, then, I really don't know what I would have done!

At one point in the night Jared wanted to take me to the ER considering I am 8+ months pregnant! but I wanted to try to make it until morning...hoping it would all stop or at least, we wouldn't have to wake JJ up and I wouldn't have to be throwing up in an ER waiting room but rather, in the "comfort" of my own home...

So when about 6am rolled around and it was coming out both ends (I know-GROSS!), I finally gave in and said we needed to get to a hospital. I started to worry it was Sao Manila poisoning and What would that do to the baby!!?? I texted one of my friends, Carrie, to see which ER/Urgent Care she thought I should go to and she said I should go to Winnie Palmer Hospital because I am pregnant. This is where I will deliver Susie and I had already pre-registered there! I am so thankful she suggested it because I wouldn't have thought of there first myself! After dropping JJ off at my friend/surrogate sister, Anita's house, we were at the hospital at about 7:30am. They were able to see us quickly, not before I threw up and "went" in their bathroom. I was quickly assessed and the doctor on call from my ob's office (another blessing, since it's where they deliver, the doctor is right there, on call and the nurses know them too!) gave orders for an IV for hydration to be poured into me (really quickly given) with anti-nausea medicine which made me feel better instantly. After that, I was given a 4 hour 2nd IV with more anti-nausea meds. The nurse was concerned because I was contracting so much when I was first hooked up. The baby's heart rate was fine (a little high to start, but calmed quickly), but I was having pretty good contractions every 2 minutes...I honestly wasn't worried I would go into labor...perhaps if I hadn't gone to the hospital and had gotten even more dehydrated at home...I think these were Braxton-Hicks brought on from dehydration, but still shouldn't be played around with.

Well, for as horrible of a thing as it was, I saw so many blessings. We got to do a "dry run" to the new hospital where I'll deliver. I have great friends here like Carrie and Anita who helped immensely in their different roles. I was given such great care with a wonderful nurse, Sylvia, who loves the Lord and was just so caring and wonderful. Jared was able to hear our baby girl's heartbeat as he hasn't since very early on, if at all in this pregnancy. And, of course, just sensing the Lord's peace that the baby was fine and He would take care of us, was such a blessing.

I was able to eat bland foods when I got home in the afternoon and have mostly had bland foods today with some soup and eggs...so I'm working up. I was able to get good rest yesterday and most of today, which is important as we have our staff retreat that we leave for tomorrow.

This pregnancy has been interesting with lots of "bumps" I didn't have with JJ--I wonder if it's an indication of how this girl is going to keep us on our toes?? or maybe just lots of learning to trust and let go and concentrate on what's most important--and not stress about everything that I can't get done because I keep getting sick...

So, as my title says and my mother would say there's "never a dull moment" especially in this pregnancy for me, and "when it rains, it pours" but also, Abby, "this too shall pass." I can hear her say--priceless wisdom and the reminder of so many moms, friends, sisters, etc. who have had their share of adventures in this great homespun journey of mothering and well, just life.

"You are my witnesses..."

Being Joyful Witnesses

To speak about Jesus and his divine work of salvation shouldn't be a burden or a heavy obligation. When we go to people feeling that unless they accept our way of knowing Jesus, they are lost and we are failures, it is hardly possible to be true witnesses.

It is a great joy when people recognise through our witness that Jesus is the divine redeemer who opened for them the way to God. It is a true cause for gratitude and celebration. But we should also be able to live joyful and grateful lives when our witness with deeds and words does not lead people to accept Jesus in the way we do.

I'm finding again that I want to re-claim that "joy of my salvation" that flows out spontaneously...this makes me think of "the Great Divorce" by C.S. Lewis and the lady who comes to her husband who hasn't come to Christ. She speaks with a compassion to him of the joy she knows and he keeps wanting to pull her into his dwarfed colorless world...observing this, C.S. Lewis as narrator cannot believe that he isn't changed, but is also taken when the woman sees the impass that remains between them and is compelled onward in the unspeakable joy of the Heaven and God that she knows...

Obviously, the tears are not all dried here and hearts that burn for the lost are so needed and so rare these days...but just as in any relationship, to let a hallmark of salvation, our joy, be robbed because we do not see these ones come to Jesus is not God's Best for us. I think as witnesses of the Good News we can't help but be so overflowing with the hope and beauty of this message that it overpowers all other things...

One of the recent connections in Global Media Outreach is a young woman from Colombia who I've been able to share the gospel with as she has shared her desire to be "special", to be able to rise above the hate in her world and just the honest searching of one who longs for relationship with the Lord...please pray for this woman who the Lord knows by name and prayerfully will be "His Own" soon.

Another Update from CSU...Inspired Again

I just returned from the 10th Avenue North concert...it was such a blessing. I surprised myself by suggesting perhaps I could go with my teammate, Shannon, and Jared stay back. I've been just as happy to stay in most evenings and watch the live feeds of the sessions that I can get after JJ goes to bed, but tonight, I thought "Why don't I just go??!!"

That decision is kind of indicative of what God has been doing in my heart and life in these past few weeks culminating here at CSU. I've once again been finding myself in this place of "holding back" and limiting myself based on what I can see. I feel the presence of my mom as I see the Lord break me out in ways of this "dwarfed" thinking. Sort of her last words to me via my sister, Kristen, were "tell Abby not to 'hold back'".

For most of my life my mother would have advised me to 'hold back' as she saw me jump head first into academics, sports, later missions...living this both perfectionistic and dreamy-eyed view of the world and also the signifigance I could have in it. She was always just reminding me to 'relax' and 'be' and was always concerned I would burn out.

I can say now that those concerns were very valid and in many ways with a wide array of circumstances in my mid-twenties I did 'burn out' or even 'break down'.

What has happened since in the 10 years since then has been fighting the opposite tendency to just live a "dwarfed" gray-tinged life...but the beauty of it has been that in the wisdom of these years, I truly see how the inspiration and faith to step out truly take believing and relying on the Lord's Spirit--being so fully aware of my own limitations.

Well, I can say that I have definitely been wanting to retreat in and just have felt weary in every way--emotionally, physically, and especially spiritually. I've been wondering where is my heart to pray for the great things I want to believe God has in store for us in this life He's called us to? I've settled for just "getting by" and had many reasons that this is just the "season" that I am in. I will be very clear and say that I know that God loves me just as deeply when I am living like this as when I might be stepping out in great faith, but if I truly reflect on the Life I want to live--grey-tinged glasses just will not do.

Through hearing the hearts of leaders like our President, Steve Douglass, Vice President, Steve Sellers, Family Life Founder, Dennis Rainey, our Student Venture Director, Daryl Smith and getting to worship with so many on similar journeys...the theme has come through loud and clear: "What are you willing to believe God for?"

I am being reminded of a God who yet will do the miraculous...Who indeed is working in incredible ways all over the World. The original vision of Bill Bright, Founder of Campus Crusade for Christ, was to see "the Great Comission fulfilled in our generation". He believed the Lord for it to the end and as we've heard some of the histories of different ministries that have come out of Campus Crusade, it has been said that the most prominent thing people would say of him was "he's crazy". He believed God for the humanly impossible and time and time again saw the Lord bring to life things like "the Jesus Film" that have touched billions of people in ways we cannot fathom.

This is the legacy we inherit as we have been blessed to be called to this ministry family. It is one I believe that flows right from the pages of the Scriptures and seemlessly links with the times of the apostles and the Early Church. Slowly I can see the cynicism and dullness of my heart and vision be washed away and pure faith in the God who lives and is good and calls all of us to take Him at His Word take its place.

I am beginning to silence what I hold onto--my family with a 2nd child on the way. All of the doubts of whether I can juggle anything significant in ministry with this family...the ways I want Jared to fill up where I need to rely on the Lord's strength. This does not mean that I am to disregard priorities of home, motherhood, wifehood...but simply, I think, to trust that the Lord has even more of a heart to see those things be honored in my life than I do and that in letting go I will find them becoming even more precious and His and more full of the fruit of His Spirit.

It is a beautiful thing coming in the midst of a third trimester of pregnancy with all that can weigh one down (no pun intended;), trials of sickness (including JJ throwing up TODAY), and in many ways a hard first year of ministry filled with disappointments where hopes had been much higher...

This is so often how our Great God works. He takes us to a place where everything that could bring us comfort circumstancially is taken away and we have to ask ourselves if we really believe "He is for us"?? In the words of the last section of Romans 8 (I have it all memorized--finished the day before we came here!) "If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare His own son but GAVE HIM UP FOR US ALL, how will He not also with him graciously give us all things?" Everything we need to love and LIVE FOR HIM!...All that matters...

I don't know how many of you will read this (as it's rather long and no pictures), but if you get to here, I want to challenge you to not "hold back" in this life. Do not believe that grey-tinged lenses are right for you...believe the Lord for more. Trust Him and ask Him to give you His desires in ways you may never have opened yourself up to. Will you believe Him for the salvation of your neighbors? Will you believe Him to greatly increase or perhaps begin a ministry to a sector of people in your circle of influence that you are uniquely equipped to reach? Will you come together with your husband or wife or your Savior and throw out old habits and ways that bind you into patterns of complacency and will you ask Him for fresh vision and the belief that "He is able to do EXCEEDINGLY, IMMEASURABLY, BEYOND ALL WE COULD ASK FOR OR IMAGINE"?

I promise to do the same by His grace and strength alone.